WHO I AM, WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF, AND HOW STRONG I AM…

I started writing my blog about my latest doctors’ visits and got REALLY UPSET about what I was saying. The entry explained in detail of what was said at these appointments, what happened, and the new steps in my life. It’s hard to explain appointment because I still feel as if I’m living in it. I’m still seeing the results from the exam and the latest blood tests. It’s now to the point where I’m getting my blood drawn once a week because something showed up. Last week my sodium levels were too low. This week my calcium levels are too high. It feels there is nothing like getting your blood drawn and getting a phone call from your doctor saying “Oh, well this (insert issue here) is NOT NORMAL. We are putting in another order to get your blood drawn, just so we can check it.” I get it. What’s one more 15 minute trip to get my blood drawn, a poke, and seeing blood being drawn into a tube? Then of course the famous swab over the injection side and then what feels like the entire role of tape wrapped around your arm. Because you don’t feel BIONIC ENOUGH?! I do know what it DOES makes you feel like – that your arm is going to fall off without all of the tape; maybe not. But it definitely makes you feel like something is wrong with you.

After my Dr. Rheumy appointment we decided it was best I went back down to 4 vials because of the severe fatigue. I can’t live my life in severe fatigue for 10 days straight. That means I only get 18 ‘clear’ days before every infusion. That’s not me and that is something I’m not willing to sacrifice to feel relief from the pain. I recently have declined an MRI visit because quite frankly I just can’t afford them right now and my health insurance won’t cover it. Plus, if they find something, it will probably result in surgery and I’m not at that point in my life yet. I would like to EXHAUST every option I have before considering another ‘western’ medicine. I’ve seen the new Dr. Rheumy since March with more visits than I care to admit and yet, the pain in my hip has increased tenfold. What’s a girl to do?

So, I’m going back to my roots of what makes me happy. It has been quite the journey that last several years of figuring out WHO I AM, WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF, AND HOW STRONG I AM. There is a part of that I lost and a part I’m finding again. But the best part? I’m discovering a new part that I’m just beginning to tap into.

The part that I lost is my dancing. I don’t dance well anymore, however if a good beat comes onto the radio I still know how to keep with it. Get me a country song with some steps and I’m all over it though! I’ve had to realize and let go that the dance routines making days are over.

The part that I’m finding again is my love for yoga. It has been quite the journey over the summer. I get up early on a Saturday morning, travel 30 minutes to go to a free 1 hour yoga class in the sun. Some think that I’m crazy, however it sooths my soul. I’m calm, happy, and free. I’m able to express myself on a low activity level and I’m able to handle stressful situations better, which in turn calm my nerves. I’m also able to take a step back from a situation, analyze it in a critical way and reassess. I’m sad to say that my Yoga in the Park adventure is coming to an end this Labor Day weekend. But with my husband finding old yoga passes that I bought 2 YEARS AGO will help continue the journey. I CAN’T WAIT!! I also just signed up for 5 more classes for $25 through a Social Living website promotion. I love these group coupons. It makes it easier to do the things I love at with my tight budget.

The new part I’m discovering about myself is to ask for help. Because of my past dance experience I think I’m pretty well acquainted with some proper stretches for my hip. HOWEVER, THEY ARE JUST NOT WORKING!! So, a friend of mine, who happens to be a nurse, offered to teach me some hip stretches. I hope that will strengthen my hip to better serve the pain. If not, at least I’m rekindling a friendship!

The next new part that I’m discovering about myself is my creative side. As I promised in my last entry was to talk about my entrepreneurship. Because of the support, trust, and love of family and friends I started to embrace and love the things I was making. Getting the compliments on them always helped too! I am now starting a handmade business in accessories and cards.

At the moment I’m making Ribbon Roses

Ruffle Headbands

Thank you cards – 

This past weekend I attended another ribbon flower class and learned how to make new flowers. I’m super excited about this and I can’t wait to take pictures of my amazing new accomplishment!

As I mentioned before, I recently took up sewing. Here is a picture of me in the outfit I made for my friends’ wedding. If I do say ‘sew’ myself, not bad for my first outfit!!

You can find my stuff on owletdesign.etsy.com. I also set-up a facebook page called Owlet Design. I would absolutely love if you took the time to explore my stuff. Let me know your feedback and if there is anything you would like to see, let me know. I think these items make great gifts, especially for the friend who needs just a little extra love that day.

I guess with all of this exploration I’m learning to take things as they come. I’m trying to remember not to sweat the small stuff, but if I do, I try to laugh HARD about it. If that isn’t possible…I’ll craft it out.

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